Middle Age Crisis

I jokingly told myself out loud while my niece is playing his game and my brother doing some self realization that it seems like I'm not growing up and as if to signify that I should grow up, minutes later I lost the other pair of my earrings which have been with me since a child.

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November has been a month of realization and I made; probably, a life changing decision that will have a big impact on my life.  It's been 2 years in the making and up to now I'm not sure if it's a good or a tactless one.  I just suddenly woke up asking myself what I have done, what should have I done or what should be done.  I'm in a dangerous state wherein I'm totally blank and is facing a deep abyss to nowhere.

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It seems like I lived my life not knowing who I really am and is constantly surprised at how people look at me.  All these years I'm like a blank canvass and everybody just paints what they want and I allowed them to do it, leaving me either in an ugly shape or a unique masterpiece.

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Middle age and identity crisis:  that's what I have now.  It's so weird that people my age are already starting their own family, building their dreams while I am more childish than I can remember,  cold and hopeless.  I think I'm more mature when I was in college; always have a plan and even a bit blurry, charged forward with a smile.

"You say you wanna move on and you say I'm falling behind"-The Killers, I'm reading my own mind.  A part of me wanted to conquer the world yet another part of me is so weak to lead, my yin and yang are in a constant battle.

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Everyone wanted to be someone, most wanted to make it big.  I'm no exception, I always dream big and I'm expected to be big and this probably is the main reason why I can't be myself and that I lost my "true self".  Maybe I'm trying to hard to be what everyone wanted me to be, but I guess it's time to let go...

Let me go

I don't wanna be your hero

I don't wanna be a big man

I just wanna fight with everyone else

 

All the wonderful photos above are not mine, please click the source to direct you to where I got them.